Did Something Happen In Boulder?

Did Something Happen In Boulder? by Kurt Schlichter for Town Hall

I’m not as old as Grandpa Badfinger, nor as manifestly senile, but I still have only the vaguest notion that something bad happened last week in Colorado, and I can’t quite put my trigger finger on exactly what it was. It’s just a hazy recollection of how whatever went down was pretty much the fault of you and me, though the last time I was in the Centennial State I was passing through the Denver airport, which makes whatever happened being my fault seem implausible, but whatever. Facts and stuff are bourgeois conceits. The point is that I went looking through the media, because whatever it was that went down was a super-big deal for a while, and then – nothing. Nada. Zip.

I guess the media and the Democrat politicians forgot about what went down in Boulder too.

It seems strange though because I recall it was really important at the time it happened.

It’s almost like there was some coordinated effort to never mention the event again. But that’s just a crazy conspiracy theory which is both crazed and conspiratorial, like election fraud, the plot to frame Donald Trump, and the Hollywood scheme to slow our population growth in order to remedy climate change by quelling America’s collective male libido through making Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham movie stars.

Whatever happened was bad, so bad that we normal people must all be disarmed. Again, there’s no one out there right now arguing, anymore, that something we did caused the mysterious event, but we must have caused it, right? I mean, it would make no sense to suggest that the solution is taking our firearms away from us if the problem was not us misusing firearms somehow. I do have a vague recollection that, for a while there, people who have blue checks and who you see on TVs in airports were very concerned about us normal people misusing our guns. And then, I think, there was some sort of press conference about the person who actually did the bad thing and … poof! Everything went black – except the part about us having to give up our guns.

For some reason, us giving up our guns became even more important to all the smart people lecturing us about how awful we are when it became clear we didn’t do anything wrong.

I’m also a bit confused because I think I remember that a police officer was murdered, and all those smart setpeople were talking about the horrible crime of murdering a cop until they suddenly stopped talking about it. I have to confess to having some confusion about this, because these same people usually seem to hate cops, calling them systemically racist and wanting to defund them. But once in a while they love cops, like when they can blame their murder on people like us or when the cops are arresting conservatives for protesting.

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