How Did Things Between Men & Women Get So Screwed Up?
How Did Things Between Men & Women Get So Screwed Up? by Mary Christine – The Burning Platform
…”And to your husband shall be your desire.
And he shall rule over you.” – Genesis 3:16
“I took the evil and the evil took me. It made me it’s Bitch. ” – Frankie Fleabaggs
Have you ever seen the youtube about weird things couples fight about? Go watch it sometime. It’s funny because we find ourselves in the same stupid arguments all the time. This is how it starts, the first time you forget why you got married.
Our parents’ marriage was our first exposure to how a marriage works. That is, if your parents stayed married long enough for you to observe how they interacted, and have it burned into your memory.
Observing how people interact with each other is fascinating. Pay attention to how a couple relates with each other and you may notice one thing. The female is criticizing the male in public. Sometimes she will talk about him to others in front of him. This has always made me cringe inside, maybe because I am sensitive to that kind of criticism myself.
Women seem to want to make it a contest over who has the most worthless husband. Oh, but men do this, too, do they not?
If a mother rarely had anything good to say about the father, what does that tell the kids about him? When there was a fight, were they the kind that sent the kids running outside, or into their room with the door shut? When mom is asked why she married dad, was it a superficial answer like “Well, he was so handsome, he looked like James Dean” or some such nonsense? Dad probably married her for a similar reason.
Someone once said that all families are dysfunctional; it is only the level of dysfunction that varies. If that is true, it would seem to follow that the level of dysfunction one lived with as a child probably determined the level of dysfunction in one’s own marriage. Of course it takes two to make a successful marriage, and the spouse brings their own baggage from their families with them.
How did things between us get screwed up so much that it seems the divide between us is just as bad as the divide between left and right?
Rooms full of books have been written on the subject of relations between men and women. I have read a few myself; some are helpful and some are a waste of time. Wait, you say, I thought this was about why women went nuts? I’m getting there, give me a minute. You cannot divorce women from marriage (no pun intended) in an effort to explain how things went so bad. So marriage, which is as old as civilization itself, is where we will start.
Some of what is wrong with women can be explained without going to scripture. But the level of acrimony towards men that you see at women’s marches and in the universities cannot be explained away by hormonal imbalance, antipsychotics drugs, and attacks by cultural Marxists. Those things most definitely are a contributing factor, but it seems to have reached a level of insanity! Regardless of whether you think the Bible is myth or fact, there is wisdom to be found there.
After God quizzed the offending couple in Genesis 3, He pronounced a curse over the three beings involved in the debacle.
And to your husband shall be your desire…
That does not sound like a bad thing, does it? Nevertheless, this was a curse, not a blessing. What does this mean “shall be your desire”?
The note from The Faithlife Study Bible says:
“The Hebrew word used here, teshuqah, occurs elsewhere only twice (Gen 4:7; Song 7:10). In Song of Songs, the term seems to indicate sexual desire, but that meaning does not work well in this context. In Gen 4:7 the word connotes desire to control or desire to conquer (…sin is crouching at the door. And its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.)”
The complete sentence in Genesis 3:16 says “And to your husband shall be your desire, and he shall rule over you.”
Some translations say “And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” NLT or “but he’ll lord it over you” MSG
Combine the two verses together from both translations:
“And you will desire to control your husband but he will lord it over you”
I think that is crystal clear, isn’t it? This is precisely what happened. For most of recorded history, women have been subject to men. Fathers gave their daughters in marriage to whomever they felt would get them the best deal, either moneywise as in dowries and/or because it gave some kind of political advantage.
This is not to say that there were not powerful women over the course of history, neither am I saying that all marriages were loveless. Of course, both things are true but for the most part, women were powerless and subject to the men in their lives.
In the ancient near east, men who could afford it sometimes took many wives. Solomon had several hundred wives and concubines. Even so, in Ecclesiastes 7:26-29 he states:
“26 I myself found that more bitter than death is the woman who is a trap, whose heart is a snare, and whose hands are bonds. The one who pleases God escapes from her, but the sinner is caught by her. 27 “Look! I found this,”… 28 What my heart sought, I did not find. Although I found one righteous man among one thousand, I did not find one upright woman among all these. 29 Look! This alone I found: God made mankind upright, but they have devised many schemes.”
It is assumed that he was talking about wisdom and righteousness in general based on the use of two women as the example of wisdom and foolishness in the Book of Proverbs. But, I am not so sure that there is not a double meaning. I am just speculating, but it seems to me that the more women you have to deal with in your personal life, the more complicated your personal life will become.
Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher recently told a story about how her research took her to New Guinea, where she spoke with a native who had five wives.
I asked him how many wives would he like to have? I was wondering if he would say 10 wives or 100 wives. After a very long pause he answered none. He told me that it was not easy being married to so many women as they didn’t always get along. It taught me a lesson. When it comes to love, more is not always the answer.
So, for thousands of years, until recently, women for the most part had no power. They were literally lorded over by men. Women used whatever means they could to gain some control over men, means that would include verbal and sexual manipulation.
Then, about two thousand years ago, a man/God/messiah named Jesus appeared on the scene. Women were drawn to him. He treated them differently than other men. Mary Magdalene is the most famous of his female followers. Luke 8:2 tells how Jesus met her.
“..and some women who had been healed of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (who was called Magdalene), from whom seven demons had gone out,..
Over the centuries she has been confused with a prostitute and the adulterous woman Jesus kept from being stoned in John 8. Mary was demon possessed but there is no evidence she was anything else. Jesus made it clear he was there to advance his kingdom, and his kingdom included even the worst of society, the prostitutes and adulterers.
The apostles Paul and Peter further clarified how men and women should treat each other and left men speechless when they both insisted:
“Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Women, respect your husbands. Submit to one another.”
I have summed up Eph 5:22-29 and 1Peter 3:1-7 in 3 sentences in order to keep this short. That women should respect their husbands was not a new concept but that men should love their wives was generally not well received. In the first century A.D. a husband was not expected to show love for his wife.
It seems to me that the command to respect the husband was emphasized, while the command to love the wife was mostly ignored.
How then, did things in the last 100 years, just a blip in time really, flip almost completely to the point where it seems that men have abandoned or been forced out of the role of the family patriarch?
Carloyn McCulley wrote extensively about this in her book Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World.
In Chapter Two titled “Men Aren’t The Problem” she explores the history of feminism in America. It was noted that Abigail Adams was strangely prophetic when in a letter to her husband dated March 31, 1776 she wrote:
“And, by the way, in the new code of laws which I suppose it will be necessary for you to make, I desire you would remember the ladies and be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors. Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands. Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.”
Unfortunately, her pleas fell on deaf ears. For as close and loving a marriage as they had, John Adams simply wrote back this teasing reply on April 14: “As to your extraordinary code of laws, I cannot but laugh.”
In the mid 19th century women’s suffrage began to make its way around the world. They weren’t wearing pink vagina hats when they marched yet, but some think this is where things seriously began to go awry.
In the 1960’s the birth control pill became available. Dr. Gregory Goodwin Pincus was an American biologist and researcher who invented the birth control pill. This man looks like he might be one card short of a full deck.
I think we never should have entrusted our reproductive health to this man There is no doubt that birth control pills changed the lives of women in a historic way. Words to describe how it affected society seem to fall short. By the 1970’s birth control pills were widely available and affordable without insurance paying for them. Abortion became legal in 1973. The availability of those two things opened up options for women that they never had before.
In an agrarian society before the industrial revolution, the fact that woman are generally physically weaker than men helped “keep women in their place”. Marriage, raising children and housekeeping kept women extremely busy. Technology and birth control gave them the freedom to do things they never would have been able to do before. Now it seemed that any women could do whatever she wanted. Sex was to be explored and used in the same way, and with the same kinds of freedom that men had always had.
Men expected single women to be the one responsible for her reproduction and if it failed, then abortion was always a viable option.
Things are so much better for women, the feminists keep insisting. Well maybe not so much. Birth control failed for many reasons. And when it did, women had three choices. Carry the child and fight for child support, abort and live with that choice or make an adoption plan and give the child away. All three choices are hard and have consequences.
Men got the amazing freedom of child support for at least eighteen years, or having women kill their child against their will or well, not caring one way or the other. If that is not a soul killing life, I don’t know what is.
No Fault Divorce introduced in the late 1960’s gave both sexes even more freedom! Squeeze the toothpaste tube in the wrong spot? No problem! Why bother trying to work things out by say…having two tubes of toothpaste? Just get a divorce, it’s so much easier. The kids will be ok…studies have shown..right?
The universities started offering “Women’s Studies” and promoting the idea that men were the cause of all of our problems. Women swallowed that idea hook, line and sinker. Equal Opportunity mandates require employers to hire a certain amount of women. Was there a “good old boy” network that encouraged the hiring of men who were not qualified? Absolutely, but now are women guilty of a “good old girl” network and passing over qualified men? That’s assuming the men ever went to college because now, more women are going to college than men. Has it made men’s lives better? Shouldn’t we care? More young men are committing suicide than ever before.
There is plenty of evidence that destroying the traditional nuclear family was in fact a tenet of Marxism. However, pushing cultural Marxism alone is only one factor that has contributed, albeit a very successful one. Chemicals in our food and water contain xenoestrogens that mimic real estrogen causing estrogen overload in both men and women. They can be found in just about everything in our environment. They are affecting our reproductive system and cause low sperm counts in men, hormonal imbalances in both sexes, cancer, thyroid problems and most likely in ways they have not been identified as of yet. All of these things contribute to the war between the sexes.
Whenever I hear someone, usually a woman, state that the world would be better if it were ruled by women I will ask them to show me how much better it has become in the past 100 years, as woman gained more power than they ever had in recorded history. How have women made it better? That women have made some good contributions, there is no doubt. But is society really better now?
Freedom always gives us the choice to choose good or evil.
“I took the evil and the evil took me. It made me it’s Bitch. “
I do not know how to the bridge the divide that has come between us in society now. We can make a difference in our personal lives, if we want to. We may never understand each other completely, but we can make an effort to understand each other better.
Whatever you may think about Jordan Peterson, he has made some very good observations about men and women.
“Many relationships are cobbled together by willful blindness and things left unspoken.”
Seems like we start out this way, ignoring what annoys us about the person we decide to marry or otherwise be in a long term relationship with. Why do we do this, sometimes against our own better judgment?
The first step is to recognize that not only do we want to control each other, we want to change each other. Then we must accept that the only person we can change is ourselves. The best marriages survive because grace and forgiveness abound.
Recognize differences – You first have to know them, but you have to give grace for your uniqueness.
Respect differences – It is not enough just to know the differences, you have to accept them. Respect them.
Clear boundaries – Don’t hold your spouse accountable for what they don’t know.
Forgive easily – Have high standards for your marriage, but recognize two imperfect people are trying to uphold them.
Serve expecting nothing in return – Part of gracing one another is doing for each other with no strings attached. The goal is not a 50/50 partnership, but that each spouse extend 100% grace to one another.
Extend trust – A marriage won’t grow far beyond where trust is still being earned.