I learn that 40 million Russians took part in a civil defense drill. I do research about what to do when Russia fires ICBM’s at the United States. I discover that after the launch, I will have thirty minutes to take action before the warhead explodes over my head.
I google “Civil Defense” and am shocked that the U.S. program stopped at the end of the Cold War. Worse yet, the Russians still have a civil defense system. In fact, they are building enough bomb shelters in Moscow for every inhabitant to reach safety in a few minutes. Something is wrong.
I check my local government site for information about where to go in case of a nuclear attack. They refer me to the Department of Homeland Security site: ready.gov. After searching for fallout shelters in my area, the site links me to maryland.gov . The State of Maryland has no information about fallout shelters and they link me back to Ready.gov. There are only 25 minutes left before detonation.
I search for a safe place to go. I check the Nuclear Target Map and find that everywhere within a hundred miles of me is a red zone. I go back to Homeland Security in panic.
Amazingly there are no instructions on what to do to prepare for a nuclear attack, but there are instructions on what to do after the attack. I follow the link and find this:
Go as far below ground as possible or in the center of a tall building. The goal is to put as many walls and as much concrete, brick and soil between you and the radioactive material outside.
I go down to the basement of my house and nail a piece of wood over the window. I stuff some clothes in the dryer vent.
I hope the Patriot missiles will shoot down the incoming nukes. Maybe the Star Wars system will stop them.
I consider the odds that the federal government has done something right. I kiss my butt good-bye.